I am sad. I am so sad. On April 8, 2014, my wonderful Dad passed away after a long illness. I was there when he took his last breath, along with my Mom. He opened his eyes, which he hadn't done for a couple of weeks, looked at us, took his last breath and a satisfied smile came across his face. I am sure he saw his Mom, who he missed so much. I hate death. I fear death. I am a Christian and I know someday I will see him and my loved ones again, but I want to see them here with me. Is that wrong? There are so many things I want to tell my Dad. I loved making him laugh and I could always do that. Now I can't pick up a phone or drive by their house and give him a kiss or tell him a funny story.
Saturday, our sweet little dog, Sammi, passed away. We live in the country and when our dogs need to use the bathroom, we let them outside. They do their business, sometimes they goof around, then they come back in. For some reason, we had a terrible time keeping Sammi out of the road. She was such a stubborn little girl-if she wanted to do something, she did, come hell or high water. Yes, I think you know what happened. My husband buried her in our pet cemetery out behind our house. Sammi was the sweetest little dog ever born. She would not hurt a fly and she loved everyone she ever met. Sometimes she loved them too much. She would lick your face till it felt like the skin was coming off. The first night we brought her home, she got up behind my head and slept there till the day she lost her life. We miss her. There's a big hole in our hearts and in our house. We got two new kittens a few weeks ago and Sammi loved them and they loved her. As soon as they saw her, they would start to purr. She was a kind and gentle soul who will be missed forever. Yes, I know there are some of you who will ask why we didn't put a leash on her. We had tried that and she was miserable-pulling and tugging. We did all we could to teach her to stay in our back yard, which is huge.
This is why I am sad. I assume time will heal my pain. I hope so because I don't like feeling this empty, but I can't seem to stop. Yesterday, my two oldest grandchildren, came over and stayed with me a while. My husband was at work and they helped me a lot. My granddaughter made me laugh out loud. Isn't that funny that she can do the same thing to her Grandmother that I could do to my Dad?
Life goes on. I have six beautiful, handsome and smart grandchildren. I love them with all my heart. I always will. I feel the same way about my grown children and their spouses. I love my husband and I love spending time with him. Some things are so good and I know eventually, the pain will ease up. For now, I am so sad and I actually feel pain when I think of my Dad and Sammi. They were both loved and filled up such a huge part of my heart.
I believe my animals will meet me in heaven. Some people don't believe that, but animals have hearts and souls. Just look in their eyes. I will have quite a reunion with my Dad, my grandparents and the animals who loved me. I will tell my Dad a joke and let Sammi lick my face forever and ever.
Till then, I will miss them. Till then, pieces of my heart are gone.
Getting old is hell. Someone told me that once and I thought to myself, "That won't happen to me!" Well, that's what I get for thinking when I am NOT qualified! The story you are about to read is true. A few weeks ago, I leaned down, opened a cabinet and slammed the corner right into the edge of my eye. Yep, broke my glasses. Dang it, I love those because they have the transitions. Well, I had an extra pair (they aren't comfortable), so I got them out. Then I got sick-coughing and hacking my head off and laryngitis! .Not good. My husband can't hear very well, so I started clapping my hands together to get his attention. Whew, that went over like a lead balloon! If I kept a cough drop in my mouth, the cough eased up. Well, I'll be danged, if I didn't run out of cough drops!! On my way to get some, I was digging in my car for any form of cough drop. I found one, but it had been around a while and was kind of gooey, but I ate it anyway. All of a sudden, something felt strange and I realized the crown on my tooth had come off! It was stuck in the gooey cough drop and was attached to the teeth above it! In a panic, I just crammed it back where it was supposed to be. The next morning, I get up, grab my extra glasses and get so dizzy I almost fell down. What the heck!? I reach up to feel the lenses and poke myself in the eye HARD! Yep, the lens had fallen out. Lovely. So, I couldn't see, I couldn't talk and I couldn't chew on one side!! I am not old, I am not old...
We couldn't have been any happier when our first grandchild was born in 1998. He was born wiggling and kicking his legs, with his eyes wide open, taking everything in. Once he learned to crawl, it was all she wrote. He was soon walking and running. One day, we were going to keep him and it began to rain. He ran outside before I could catch him. I finally caught up and told him "You're going to get pneumonia!" He looked at me and said, "Monia?" That changed to Monie and that is how I got my Grandma name!
Grandkids say the funniest things. I went outside to get something from my car. Our grandson looked out the window and said "She sure does have little feet for such a large lady!" Ouch!
Two years after our grandson came along, we were blessed with our first granddaughter. She is the quiet type, but when you least expect it, she has you on the floor laughing. She and I were outside to water flowers. It had been a hot day and some of my flowers looked wilted and sad. She asked me what was wrong with them and I tried to explain that the plants were dying, so I needed to give them more water. Later that evening, I was trying to get undressed so I could put on pajamas. Somehow, kids know when you want to be alone. (We need to figure out how they do that and give it to our soldiers and Marines. That way, they could sneak up on the enemy completely unexpected!) Anyway, I'm taking off my bra and Addie walks into the room. I'm trying to cover up, but she's standing there, staring. I tried to act it was no big deal and she says "Monie, I think your boobs are dying." Yes, my "girls" are no longer perky. They are wilted and sad.
Oh, woe is me. And Monie is my name.
