Death and Sadness

I am sad.  I am so sad.  On April 8, 2014, my wonderful Dad passed away after a long illness.  I was there when he took his last breath, along with my Mom.  He opened his eyes, which he hadn't done for a couple of weeks, looked at us, took his last breath and a satisfied smile came across his face. I am sure he saw his Mom, who he missed so much.  I hate death.  I fear death.  I am a Christian and I know someday I will see him and my loved ones again, but I want to see them here with me.  Is that wrong?  There are so many things I want to tell my Dad.  I loved making him laugh and I could always do that.  Now I can't pick up a phone or drive by their house and give him a kiss or tell him a funny story.

Saturday, our sweet little dog, Sammi, passed away.  We live in the country and when our dogs need to use the bathroom, we let them outside.  They do their business, sometimes they goof around, then they come back in.  For some reason, we had a terrible time keeping Sammi out of the road.  She was such a stubborn little girl-if she wanted to do something, she did, come hell or high water.  Yes, I think you know what happened.  My husband buried her in our pet cemetery out behind our house. Sammi was the sweetest little dog ever born.  She would not hurt a fly and she loved everyone she ever met.  Sometimes she loved them too much.  She would lick your face till it felt like the skin was coming off.  The first night we brought her home, she got up behind my head and slept there till the day she lost her life.  We miss her.  There's a big hole in our hearts and in our house.  We got two new kittens a few weeks ago and Sammi loved them and they loved her.  As soon as they saw her, they would start to purr.  She was a kind and gentle soul who will be missed forever. Yes, I know there are some of you who will ask why we didn't put a leash on her. We had tried that and she was miserable-pulling and tugging.  We did all we could to teach her to stay in our back yard, which is huge.  

This is why I am sad.  I assume time will heal my pain.  I hope so because I don't like feeling this empty, but I can't seem to stop.  Yesterday, my two oldest grandchildren, came over and stayed with me a while.  My husband was at work and they helped me a lot. My granddaughter made me laugh out loud.  Isn't that funny that she can do the same thing to her Grandmother that I could do to my Dad?  

Life goes on.  I have six beautiful, handsome and smart grandchildren.  I love them with all my heart.  I always will.  I feel the same way about my grown children and their spouses.  I love my husband and I love spending time with him.  Some things are so good and I know eventually, the pain will ease up.  For now, I am so sad and I actually feel pain when I think of my Dad and Sammi. They were both loved and filled up such a huge part of my heart.  

I believe my animals will meet me in heaven.  Some people don't believe that, but animals have hearts and souls.  Just look in their eyes.  I will have quite a reunion with my Dad, my grandparents and the animals who loved me.  I will tell my Dad a joke and let Sammi lick my face forever and ever.

Till then, I will miss them.  Till then, pieces of my heart are gone.